Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
this will be a night to untag.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You have to summon your inner elephant
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Randomize
