i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
