Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
