He is such a slut. More and more my type.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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