Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
