i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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