I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
