Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
