I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
