He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
