I must be too annoying 4 u.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
