Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
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