I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
