dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
