i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
My ATM looks so different sober.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
