Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
