I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
