We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
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I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
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I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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