What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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