Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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