Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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