I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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