Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
