You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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