i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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