sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
