This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Congratulations! We have a period
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
