My nipple is on Facebook.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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