I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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