apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I have already put on my inside pants.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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