His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
