I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
