So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
