how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
