would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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