My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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