he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
