No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
