I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize