You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
