Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
