guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
