I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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