im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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