Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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