Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
she peed on how many people?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
