did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
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you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
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Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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