i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
