So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
