That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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