my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
