After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
