You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
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