I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
