no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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