I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
