is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
