you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I want to be your penis for a week.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
