idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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