I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
