he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
