John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
