he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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