im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
